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My cousin who’s 3 months younger than me and I were best of friends when we were little. But then around the age of 6/7 they moved to another country.  But in the whole family there was this topic of gossip that we’d be together when we get older. Not everyone would talk about it but a distant relative would say something that made me think about him in a completely different way. Once a friend in school told me that my mom told her mom something along the lines that me and my cousin are set to be together. Don’t know if it was true or not. But me being a little girl and the constant teasing of friends in school and the talks of relatives made me believe that I’m totally in love with him. Teenager years are like that one thinks that they are in love and would do everything to be with their loved one. I’m not going to lie I cried, I tried to make myself miss him because it was not love but just the people’s talks got to me. I even thought to confess to my cousin my undying love for him. But to be honest whenever I thought about my future he was never there in my thoughts.

Once when I was in my late teens I read this novel by a famous writer and it made me think of what I was actually doing to myself. I was loosing my imaan for a haram thing. I still remember it was Friday morning and everyone was asleep I guess it was ramadan. I felt this strong urge to recite Surah Al Kahf  slowly and peacefully and to understand every word. So I put on Mishary Rashid’s recitation and started reciting. I cried and cried and asked Allah to help me get out of the mess I’d gotten myself into. I felt so dirty and bad. But alhamdulillah Allah answered my prayer.

I started keeping a distance from my cousin and started covering properly (not just infront of him but every non mahram) and tried to do as Islam says. I admit it wasn’t easy at all. There were moments when I thought I can’t do this and I need my dose of thinking about the imaginary life I’ve made in which he played an important part. But Allah helped me and alhamdulillah I’m a very proud Muslimah. My uncle’s family come and go but it does not affect me in any emotional way.

I’ve started believing that if Allah has set me with someone I will be with him In Sha Allah but why would I dirty my thoughts by thinking about a non mahram that would be wrong to my future spouse. I feel like it is betraying the person.

Alhamdulillah for the guidance and I just want to tell every girl and boy out there please do not let shaytan play a major role in your lives. We should satisfy Allah instead of shaytaan and believe that Allah has something in-store for all of us. Afterall Allah is with those who have patience. So all we need is to be patient and Allah will give us a bigger reward.

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