You see all the loved up people around you and find it just so adorable and cute. You want to be that girl that is the centre of attention of her man’s world. Someone that he would do anything for. You see the cute couples in the movies, or in real life, and it makes you feel lonely, or as if you are missing out on something special. You want to be taken care off. You want to be swept off your feet and totally spoilt. You look at them, and it makes you want to be in love, to be in a relationship, maybe you already are.

Listening to all those romantic and loved up tunes doesn’t make things any easier. You secretly wish you had a boyfriend, someone who would say those exact lyrics to you. You probably imagine it all happening in your head. Or maybe it already is.

Maybe you were or are the girl that guarded her heart and didn’t even think of any of these things. Maybe you were just friends with him, and didn’t even expect it to happen, but suddenly you found yourself in a thing with him.

Maybe you fancied him all along and he asked you out, you just couldn’t resist. He probably wooed you from the start, from the first time you met. Maybe he made you feel that he was the best, with all that charm he displayed.

Maybe you were God conscious and it made you feel guilty but you convinced yourself it wasn’t that much of a big deal. ‘It’s the norm’ ‘everyone is dating’, you convinced yourself again. Or maybe you justified it wasn’t haram because your intention was to eventually be married to him.

Or maybe you’re blessed with so much beauty and just couldn’t handle the attention. Maybe you gave into every guy that asked you out because it made you feel important, wanted, needed, or loved, you had a craving for affection.

What happened next..

Your fairytale had just began, but now you wished you had a gun. Your Prince Charming, once someone you thought was everything you wanted and needed, someone who promised you he’d never hurt you but now hes betrayed you. After many chances, after many tears and heartbreaks, you finally come to your senses and realise he isn’t the ‘one’. You were his trophy, his medal, his pastime. Or you don’t know what you were. You are left feeling lonelier than you ever felt before. You feel lost, confused wondering what you ever done wrong.

Eachtime you try to leave, he comes and says ‘no don’t go’. But nothing changes until one day you let go. You feel broken and lonely, and then another guy comes along. Before you know it you find yourself back in the same hole, same situation, this time another boy, same old story, and again you find yourself only to be sorry.

Or maybe he was Mr perfect afterall. Loyal, loving and true. But the only problem was that he couldn’t marry you.

So…..

So what started off as something fun, innocent and maybe ‘good intentions’ had now left you numb.

So what was the difference in both situations?

It didn’t matter if he loved your or not. In the end result, it was you that was forgotten.

Yet…

Yet you were unaware of the seriousness of your sin. Why did this happen, what did I do wrong? Failing to recognise going against God would never keep you strong. Maybe it was a punishment, or a lifelong lesson but recognise and understand disobeying God can never give you progression.

And now…

Now, repent to your Creator and learn this important lesson, sinning with good intentions, doesn’t mean winning, it just causes more tensions.

So please break it off, and give him an ultimatum. Love alone can never be enough, what you need is love and commitment. Marriage, Nikah and nothing less is worth settling for.

Hadith…

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6243) and Muslim (2657) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) who said:

“Allah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of zina which will inevitably catch up with him. The zina of the eye is looking and the zina of the tongue is speaking. The heart wishes and longs and the private part confirms that or denies it”.

According to the version narrated by Muslim: “The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the ears is listening, the zina of the tongue is speaking, the zina of the hand is touching, and the zina of the foot is walking. The heart wishes and longs and the private part confirms that or denies it”.

Ibn Battaal (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Looking and speaking are called zina because they invite one to true zina. Hence he said: the private part confirms that or denies it”. End quote from Fath al-Baari.

The Messenger (pbuh) stated, “It is better for an iron rod to be driven into the head of a man, than for him to touch a woman who is not permissible for him” (Mu’jam al Kabir).

Guard yourself…

So do not take dating to be something light and fun. Recognise how serious of a sin it is. If you want a relationship then marriage should be the only option. Speak to your parents if you think you are ready and seek protection from Allah and always guard your heart.

Keeping your social media private, avoiding interaction with the opposite gender as much as you can. Increasing your knowledge of the hadith and the Quran. Lowering your gaze and making dua to Allah to bless you with a loving, loyal, righteous, handsome and pious husband. Avoiding the movies, or songs that make you feel that you need someone.

Let us not take dating so light, we need to recognise it as a serious sin. And the only thing desirable should be marriage. Remember Allah is the Most Forgiving so do not lose hope if you have fallen into sin. Repent and end it now, and save yourself for the only one that will bring that horse and carriage offering you nothing less than marriage.

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Love Maryam Yousaf

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