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I see people all around me but I don’t see good manners. Why is this? I mean something so basic as good manners, and surely so simple and easy for even a child to have and learn, then why? Exactly what has happened that even the people that are “practising” lack something so simple, basic but extremely important as adab, etiquette and good manners.

Surely, as Muslims we should possess the most beautiful manners. And advise and encourage each other with the best of manners and the best of ways. Let’s be honest, biting someone’s head off, or trying to create or search for faults isn’t really going to help is it? Screaming abuse at someone, condemning them to hell, and being rude is not going to make a positive change in someone but on the contrary it might just push them further away.

“Some people have the disease of criticising all the time. They forget the good about others and only mention their faults. They are like flies that avoid the good and pure places and land on the bad places and on wounds. This is because of the evil within the self and the spoiled nature” – Ibn Taymiyyah rahimullah

Thus, the fly sits on filth and transits it causing harm, whilst another type of ‘fly’ the honey bee sits in the flowers, extracting the nectar and converting it into honey, which is a cure for diseases.

Just like this there are two types of criticism, one like the fly where the intention is only to cause harm and hurt and the other criticism which is the constructive one that seeks to turn our bad habits, weaknesses into positives and bringing us back to the Deen. Let’s try to be more like the honey bee shall we?

Enjoining Good & Forbidding Evil

Providing advice by enjoining the good and forbidding the evil is an integral part of Islamic teachings.

“You are the best of people ever raised up for mankind; you enjoin Al-Mar’uf (the good that Islam has ordained) and forbid Al-Munkar (the bad that Islam has forbidden)” Quran 3:110

So my sisters, when someone is advising you or merely reminding you of your role as a Muslim, then please do not see this as a negative or as a criticism and have the ‘don’t judge me’ attitude. The person is merely doing their duty of ‘enjoining good and forbidding evil’. There is no need to take it as a personal attack or criticism. On the contrary, it should be looked upon as a blessing a reminder provided it’s not done using bad manners.

In many cases, I see girls cursing and swearing. Saying things like “you’re going to hell, you are this and that”. The person advising or in this case bashing will only make things worse by shouting, and abusing. Sisters, we need to look at our intentions why are we advising is it for the good of the Ummah or the person actually needs to be reminded so they stop doing the negative that they’re doing which I agree with, or is it because of other reasons. Let us be honest with ourselves.

If you want to advise people and call them back to Islam then do it in the best of manners. If you do not possess good manners then you will end up pushing them farther away.

“Invite (people) to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good counsel. And argue with them in the best of manners. Surely, your Lord knows best the one who deviates from His way, and He knows best the ones who are on the right path”. Quran 16:125

The Prophet (saw) used to say “The best amongst you are those who have the best manners and character”. Bukhari

Helpers & Supporters

In the Quran, Allah (SWT) regards Muslims as helpers, supporters, friends and protectors of each other. Therefore, we should have a genuine concern and care for one another. And as the hadith above informs us that the most perfect believers in respect to their Emaan (faith) are the ones with the best of manners. Therefore possessing good manners is a true indication of someone being a true believer.

“The believers, men and women, are Auliya’(helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another” Quran 9:71

So my dear sisters, let’s be just that, helpers, supporters, friends and protectors of one another In Sha Allah. May Allah give us all the best of manners and make our task easy for us – Aameen.

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